Golf - 4 a day

Amateurs - Love them or hate them

2006-09-08T06:05:00.000Z

Golf Video

Golf Joke

The room was full of pregnant women and their partners, and the Lamaze class was in full swing.

The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe properly, along with informing the men how to give the necessary assurances at this stage of the plan. The teacher then announced, "Ladies, exercise is good for you. Walking is especially beneficial. And, gentlemen, it wouldn't hurt you to take the time to go walking with your partner!"

The room really got quiet. Finally, a man in the middle of the group raised his hand. "Yes?" replied the teacher... "Is it all right if she carries a golf bag while we walk?"

Golf Fact

In match play, a competitor loses the hole if their ball is accidentally deflected by the player, his partner or either of their caddies or equipment.

Golf Quote

"No golfer can ever become too good to practice." - May Hezlet

Crazy golf

2006-09-07T06:22:00.000Z

Golf Video

Golf Joke

The only problem with golf is that the slow people are always in front of you and the fast people always end up behind you.

Golf Fact

The 5 iron used to be called the 'mashie'

Golf Quote

"Hit 'em hard. They'll land somewhere." - Stewart Maiden

Golf slip

2006-09-06T20:46:00.000Z

Golf Video

Golf Joke

A man and wife were playing in their club's annual "Guys and Dolls" tournament. The man was not happy about having to play, but his wife had insisted. On the 12th tee, his patience had reached its limit. While his wife wasted time on the ladies tee, he decided to go ahead and hit his drive from the men's. Unfortunately, he misjudged his shot and his ball hit his wife in the back of the head, killing her instantly. At the hospital the doctor came to talk to the husband. "Mr. Davies, we found a golf ball lodged 3 inches into your wife's brain, which was the cause of death. But, we have found something else that really puzzles us." "What is it?" asked Mr. Davies. "Well," said the doctor, "we also found a golf ball lodged 6 inches into her anal cavity." The husband dismissed the doctor with a wave of his hand "Oh, that was just my Mulligan!"

Golf Fact

Jack Nicklaus grew up idolizing Bobby Jones, who won the 1926 U.S. Open at Scioto Country Club, a course in his hometown of Columbus, Ohio, where his dad introduced him to the game.

Golf Quote

Reverse every natural instinct and do the opposite of what you are inclined to do, and you will probably come very close to having a perfect golf swing. - Ben Hogan

Great Golf moments

2006-09-05T21:16:00.000Z

Golf Video

Golf Joke

A pretty terrible golfer was playing a round of golf for which he had hired a caddie. The round proved to be somewhat tortuous for the caddie to watch and he was getting a bit exasperated by the poor play of his employer. At one point the ball lay about 180 yards from the green and the as the golfer sized up his situation, he asked his caddie, "Do you think I can get there with a 5-iron?" And the caddie replied, "Eventually."

Golf Fact

The Greatest Number of Rounds played on foot in 24 hours is 22 and five holes - a total of 401 holes - by Ian Colston, aged 35, at Bendigo Golf Club in Victoria (a par 73 6,6061-yard course) on November 27028, 1971.

Golf Quote

"You think so much of your old golf game that you don't even remember when we were married." "Of course I do, my dear--it was the day I sank that thirty-foot putt."

Croker System

2006-09-04T21:13:00.000Z

Golf Video

Golf Joke

A man was golfing one day and was struck by lightning. He died and went to heaven. Saint Peter told him when he arrived at the gates of heaven that the bolt of lightning was actually meant for his golf partner. But, because God doesn't want it known that he makes mistakes,the man would have to go back to earth as someone other that himself. Well, the man thought about it for awhile and announced to Saint Peter that he wanted to return to earth as a lesbian. Saint Peter asked the man why a macho guy like him would choose to return as a lesbian. The man answered, "It's simple really, this way I can still make love to a woman, AND I can hit from the red tees"!!

Golf Fact

The North & South Amateur Championship, which began at Pinehurst in 1901, is the longest consecutively running golf championship in the country.

Golf Quote

I'm pretty quiet when I'm offstage, especially on a show day. On days off I like to be outside. I'll probably go play golf. - Justin Timberlake

Double damage

2006-09-03T21:08:00.000Z

Golf Video

Golf Joke

My wife asked me why I don't play golf with Patrick anymore.

I asked her "Would you continue to play with a guy who always gets drunk, loses tons of golf balls, plays so slow that other groups are always playing through, tells lousy jokes while you are trying to putt and generally offends everyone on the course?"

"Certainly not, dear" she replied.

"Well, neither would he."

Golf Fact

The World's Largest Bunker is Hell's Half Acre on the 585-yard 7th hole of the Pine Valley Course in New Jersey.

Golf Quote

As for expectations, I have much less pressure than I would if playing golf was my primary source of income- those were the high-pressured good ol' days. - Jennifer Wyatt

Golf Idiot

2006-09-02T21:06:00.000Z

Golf Video

Golf Joke

It was a sunny Saturday morning on the course and I was beginning my pre-shot routine, visualizing my upcoming shot, when a voice came over the clubhouse loudspeaker.

"Would the gentleman on the woman's tee back up to the men's tee please!!"

I was still deep in my routine, seemingly impervious to the interruption. Again the announcement, "Would the MAN on the WOMEN'S tee kindly back up to the men's tee."

I simply ignored the guy and kept concentrating, when once more, the man yelled: "Would the man on the woman's tee back up to the men's tee, PLEASE!

I finally stopped, turned, looked through the clubhouse window directly at the person with the mic and shouted back, "Would the person in the clubhouse kindly shut up and let me play my second shot?"

Golf Fact

Today, purses on the PGA Tour routinely exceed $5 million. Quite a difference from Nicklaus' first paycheck on Tour: $33.33 at the 1962 L.A. Open.

Golf Quote

You know, when I was a young boy I used to play baseball in my back yard or in the street with my brothers or the neighborhood kids. We used broken bats and plastic golf balls and played for hours and hours. - Robin Yount

Golf swing guru - tutorial

2006-09-01T21:03:00.000Z

Golf Video

Golf Joke

Q: Why does a golfer where 2 pairs of pants?
A: In case he gets a hole in one.

Golf Fact

Among Gene Sarazen's achievements and contributions to golf was his invention of the sand wedge.

Golf Quote

I get to play golf for a living. What more can you ask for - getting paid for doing what you love. - Tiger Woods

Disc Golf

2006-08-31T20:58:00.000Z

Golf Video

Golf Joke

Stevie Wonder and Jack Nicklaus are in a bar. Nicklaus turns to Wonder and says: "How is the singing career going?"

Stevie Wonder says: "Not too bad, the latest album has gone into the top 10, so all in all I think it is pretty good. By the way how's the golf."

Nicklaus replies: "Not too bad, I am not winning as much as I used to but I am still making a bit of money. I have had some problems with my swing but I think I have got that right now."

Stevie Wonder says: "I always find that when my swing goes wrong I need to stop playing for a while and not think about it, then the next time I play it seems to be alright."

Jack Nicklaus says: "You play golf!"

Stevie Wonder says: "Yes, I have been playing for years."

And Nicklaus says: "But I thought you were blind, how can you play golf if you are blind?"

He replies: "I get my caddy to stand in the middle of the fairway and he calls to me. I listen for the sound of his voice and play the ball towards him, then when I get to where the ball lands. The caddy moves to the green or further down the fairway and again I play the ball towards his voice."

"But how do you putt", says Nicklaus.

"Well", says Stevie, "I get my caddy to lean down in front of the hole and call to me with his head on the ground and I just play the ball towards his voice."

Nicklaus says: "What is your handicap." Stevie says "Well I play off scratch."

Nicklaus is incredulous and he says to Stevie, "We must play a game sometime."

Wonder replies: "Well people don't take me seriously so I only play for money, and I never play for less than $100,000 a hole." Nicklaus thinks about it and says "OK, I'm up for that-when would you like to play?" "I don't care-any night next week is ok with me." Wonder replies

Golf Fact

Phil Mickelson may be the most successful left-handed golfer ever, but he's right-handed in everything else he does.

Golf Quote

There is no such thing as natural touch. Touch is something you create by hitting millions of golf balls. - Lee Trevino

Mythical Golf

2006-08-30T20:55:00.000Z

Golf Video

Golf Joke

Near the end of a particularly trying round of golf, during which the golfer had hit numerous fat shots, he said in frustration to his caddy, "I'd move heaven and earth to break a hundred on this course."

"Try heaven," said the caddy. "You've already moved most of the Earth."

Golf Fact

Dr. Cary Middlecoff, an Honoree at this year's Memorial Tournament, gave up dentistry to play golf and won 37 tournaments, including the Masters and two U.S. Opens.

Golf Quote

I went and took golf lessons so Dad would let me play with him. I was just terrible... but I was able to have a wonderful time just walking around with Dad. I can see the real pleasure of that game. - David Hyde Pierce

Putter anger

2006-08-29T06:06:00.000Z

Golf Video

Golf Joke

man was about to tee off on the golf course when he felt a tap on his shoulder and a man handed him a card that read, "I am a deaf mute. May I play through, please?"

The first man angrily gave the card back, and communicated that "No, he may NOT play through, and that his handicap did not give him such a right."

The first man whacked the ball onto the green and left to finish the hole.

Just as he was about to put the ball into the hole he was hit in the head with a golf ball, laying him out cold.

When he came to a few minutes later, he looked around and saw the deaf mute sternly looking at him, one hand on his hip, the other holding up 4 fingers.

Golf Fact

The first golf car was invented in the late 1940s strictly for people with disabilities.

Golf Quote

"Give me a millionaire with a bad backswing and I can have
a very pleasant afternoon " - Golf hustler

Golf Up

2006-08-28T08:40:00.000Z

Golf Video

Golf Joke

Joe, a notoriously bad golfer, hits his ball off the first tee and watches as it slices to the right and disappears through an open window. Figuring that's the end of it, he gets another ball out of his bag and plays on. On the eighth hole, a police officer walks up to Joe on the course and says, "Did you hit a golf ball through a window back there?"

Joe says, "Yes I did."

"Well," says the police officer, "it knocked a lamp over, scaring the dog, which raced out of the house onto the highway. A driver rammed into a brick wall to avoid the dog, sending 3 people to hospital. And it's all because you sliced the ball."

"Oh my goodness," says Joe, "is there anything I can do?"

"Yes there is," the cop says... "Try keeping your head down and close up your stance a bit."

Golf Fact

The Longest Delayed Result in any national open championship occurred in the 1931 US Open at Toledo, Ohio. George von Elme and Billy Burke tied at 292, then tied the first replay at 149. Burke won the second replay by a single stroke after 72 extra holes.

Golf Quote

If you call on God to improve the results of a shot while it is still in motion, you are using "an outside agency" and subject to appropriate penalties under the rules of golf. - Henry Longhurst

Real or not?

2006-08-27T08:37:00.000Z

Golf Video

Golf Joke

A golfer, playing a round by himself, is about to tee off, and a greasy little salesman runs up to him, and yells, "Wait! Before you tee off, I have something really amazing to show you!"

The golfer, annoyed, says, "What is it?"

"It's a special golf ball," says the salesman. "You can never lose it!"

"Whattaya mean," scoffs the golfer, "you can never lose it? What if you hit it into the water?"

"No problem," says the salesman. "It floats, and it detects where the shore is, and spins towards it."

"Well, what if you hit it into the woods?"

"Easy," says the salesman. "It emits a beeping sound, and you can find it with your eyes closed."

"Okay," says the golfer, impressed. "But what if your round goes late and it gets dark?"

"No problem, sir, this golf ball glows in the dark! I'm telling you, you can never lose this golf ball!"

The golfer buys it at once. "Just one question," he says to the salesman. "Where did you get it?"

"I found it."

Golf Fact

A Putt Measured at 140 feet and 2 3/4 inches on the 18th at St. Andrews was sunk by Bob cook in the International Fourball Pro Am Tournament on October 1, 1976.

Golf Quote

It's good sportsmanship not to pick up lost balls while they are still rolling. - Mark Twain

Birdie

2006-08-26T08:32:00.000Z

Golf Video

Golf Joke

A young man who was also an avid golfer found himself with a few hours to spare one afternoon. He figured if he hurried and played very fast, he could get in 9 holes before he had to head home.

Just as he was about to tee off an old gentleman shuffled onto the tee and asked if he could accompany the young man as he was golfing alone.

Not being able to say no, he allowed the old gent to join him.

To his surprise the old man played fairly quickly. He didn't hit the ball far, but plodded along consistently and didn't waste much time.

Finally, they reached the 9th fairway and the young man found himself with a tough shot. There was a large pine tree right in front of his ball - and directly between his ball and the green.

After several minutes of debating how to hit the shot the old man finally said, "You know, when I was your age I'd hit the ball right over that tree."

With that challenge placed before him, the youngster swung hard, hit the ball up, right smack into the top of the tree trunk and it thudded back on the ground not a foot from where it had originally lay.

The old man offered one more comment, "Of course, when I was your age that pine tree was only 3 feet tall."

Golf Fact

The Most Holes-In-One in a career is 68 by Harry Lee Bonner from 1967 to 1985, most of them at his 9-hole home course of Las Gallinas, San Rafael, California.

Golf Quote

The game of golf would lose a great deal if croquet mallets and billiard cues were allowed on the putting green. - Ernest Hemingway

Bloopers

2006-08-25T09:51:00.000Z

Golf Video

Golf Joke

long time ago two Scottsmen are in a pub.

One scottsman says, "I'm going to invent a game."

The second man asks, "What do you have to do?"

The first man says, "You have to get a ball in a hole."

The second man asks, "So it's like billiards?"

The first man says, "No, its going to be much farther away."

The second man asks "So, it's somthing like bowling?"

The first man says, "No, it's going to be played on grass, and it's going to twist and turn."

So the second man asks, "So it's kind of like croquet?"

The first man says, "NO, I'm going to put in tall grass, and water, and sand, and trees, just to piss you off!"

So the second man asks, "So you do this once?"

The first man replies, "NO, you do it EIGHTEEN TIMES!!"

Golf Fact

The ancient Romans first played a game like golf using bent wooden sticks and a leather ball stuffed with feathers.

Golf Quote

I know I'm getting better at golf because I'm hitting fewer spectators.
-- Gerald R. Ford

Golf Phone Hack

2006-08-24T05:22:00.000Z

Golf Video

Golf Joke

Dave and John head out for their usual 9 holes.
Dave offers John, "let's say we make the time
worth the while, at least for one of us, and
spot $5 on the lowest score for the day." John
agrees and they enjoy a great game. After the
8th hole, John is ahead by 1 stroke, but cuts
his ball into the rough on the 9th.

"Help me find my ball, you look over there," he
says to Dave. After 5 minutes, neither has had
any luck, and since a lost ball carries a four-point
penalty, John pulls a ball from his pocket and tosses
it to the ground. "I've found my ball!" he announces
triumphantly.

Dave looks at him forlornly, "After all the years
we've been friends, you'd cheat me on golf for a
measly five bucks?!?"

"What do you mean cheat? I found my ball sitting
right here!"

"And a liar, too!" Dave says with amazement. "I'll
have you know I've been standing on your ball for
the last five minutes!"

Golf Fact

Many Japanese golfers carry "hole-in-one" insurance, because it is traditional in Japan to share one's good luck by sending gifts to all your friends when you get an "ace." The price for what the Japanese term an "albatross" can often reach $10,000.

Golf Quote

My ex-wife has never broken 150. I wish she would stop telling people I
taught her how t play golf. - Bruce Lansky

Physical particles

2006-08-23T05:59:00.000Z

Golf Video

Golf Joke

here was this preacher who was an avid golfer. Every chance he got, he could be found on the golf course swinging away. It was an obsession. One Sunday was a picture-perfect day for golfing. The sun was out, no clouds in the sky, and the temperature was just right. The preacher was in a quandary as to what to do. The urge to play golf overcame him. He called an assistant and told him that he was sick and could not attend church. Then he packed up the car, and drove three hours to a golf course where no one would recognize him. Happily, he began to play the course.

An angel up above was watching the preacher and was quite perturbed. He went to God and said, "Look at the preacher. He should be punished for what he's doing." God nodded in agreement.

The preacher teed up on the first hole. He swung, and the ball sailed effortlessly through the air and landed right in the cup three hundred and fifty yards away. A perfect hole-in-one. The preacher was amazed and excited. The angel was a little shocked. He turned to God and said, "Begging Your pardon, but I thought you were going to punish him."

God smiled. "Think about it -- who can he tell?"

Golf Fact

There are 336 Dimples in a regulation-size Golf Ball

Golf Quote

Golf is an awkward set of bodily contortions designed to produce a graceful result. ~Tommy Armour

Amateur golf

2006-08-22T06:23:00.000Z

Golf Video

Golf Joke

A married couple is out for their weekly round of golf, enjoying a great day and great play.

But on the 9th green, something terrible happens. The wife screams in agony and collapses to the green.

"Oh no," the husband exclaims, "you're having a heart attack!"

"Help me, dear," the wife implores, "find a doctor."

The husband runs off as fast as he can to find a doctor. He returns to the green quickly, picks up his putter, and lines up his putt.

His wife raises her head off the green and glares at him. "I'm dying over here and you're putting!?" she asks incredulously.

"Don't worry dear," says the husband calmly. "I found a doctor on the second hole and he's coming to help you."

"Well, how long will it take for him to get here?" the wife valiantly asks.

"No time at all," her husband answers, while practicing his stroke.

"Everybody's already agreed to let him play through."

Golf Fact

The Toronto Golf Club is the Third Oldest Golf Club in
North America

Golf Quote

I regard golf as an expensive way of playing marbles.
- Gilbert K. Chesterton

Myrtle Beach

2006-08-21T06:07:00.000Z

Golf Video

Golf Joke

A golfer is in a competitive match with a friend, who is ahead by a couple of strokes. The golfer says to himself, "I'd give anything to sink this next putt."

A stranger walks up to him and whispers, "Would you give up a fourth of your sex life?"

The golfer thinks the man is crazy and that his answer will be meaningless but also that perhaps this is a good omen and will put him in the right frame of mind to make the difficult putt and says, "OK." And sinks the putt.

Two holes later he mumbles to himself, "Boy, if I could only get an eagle on this hole."

The same stranger moves to his side and says, "Would it be worth another fourth of your sex life?"

The golfer shrugs and says, "Sure." And he makes an eagle.

Down to the final hole. The golfer needs yet another eagle to win. Though he says nothing, the stranger moves to his side and says, "Would you be willing to give up the rest of your sex life to win this match?"

The golfer says, "Certainly." And makes the eagle.

As the golfer walks to the club house, the stranger walks alongside and says,” You know, I've really not been fair with you because you don't know who I am. I'm the devil and from now on you will have no sex life."

"Nice to meet you," says the golfer. "My name's Father O'Malley."

Golf Fact

The only golf course on the island of Tonga has 15 holes, and there's no penalty if a monkey steals your golf ball.

Golf Quote

I adore the game of golf. I won't ever retire - Lee Travino

In golf we trust

2006-08-20T07:42:00.000Z

Golf Video

Golf Joke

James and his friend Tom were playing a round of golf with their wives early on a Sunday. It was a four ball, better ball format with a little bit of cash on the line.

James stood on the 10th tee having hooked his previous three tee shots, and to no one's surprise he hooked his drive again. When he found his ball, it was right up against one of the greenskeepers buildings. His wife advised him to hit the shot through a narrow gap between the side of the greenskeepers building and some branches.

"I can't do that," James said. "Look how narrow that gap is!" But his wife was persistant in urging him on, and she persuaded James to attempt the risky shot.

So James took a mighty swing and struck the ball ... and the ball caromed off a tree branch, richocheted off the building and hit his wife in the head, knocking her stone cold.

A week after the funeral, James and another friend, Ashley, were having a round. James teed up the ball on No. 10 and hit the exact shot he had hit a week before. He found his ball in the same spot, and once again his partner advised him to hit through the gap.

"No way," James said. "I can't hit that shot."

"Why not?" Ashley asked him.

"Well," James replied, "you know what happened last time."

"No, I don't," said Ashley. "What happened?"

"Well, last time I tried that shot," James said, "I made a double bogey!"

Golf Fact

The term 'fore' is derived from the original phrase 'beware before' used by the British army when firing a volley in battle.

Golf Quote

A Golfers diet.... live on Greens as much as possible - anon

Tiger Woods trick

2006-08-19T07:21:00.000Z

Golf Video

Golf Joke

Stevie Wonder and Tiger Woods are in a restaurant having dinner.
Tiger turns to Stevie and says, "How's the singing career going?"

Stevie replies, "Not too bad. How's the golf?"

Tiger replies, "Not too bad, I've had some problems with my swing, but I think I've got that going right now."

Stevie says, "I always find that when my swing goes wrong, I need to stop playing for a while and not think about it. Then, the next time I play, it seems to be all right."

Tiger says, "You play golf?"

Stevie says, "Oh, yes, I've been playing for years."

Tiger says, "But you're blind! How can you play golf if you can't see?"

Stevie replies, "I get my caddy to stand in the middle of the fairway and call to me. I listen for the sound of his voice and play the ball toward him Then, when I get to where the ball lands, the caddy moves to the green or farther down the fairway and again I play the ball toward his voice."

"But how do you putt?" asks Toger.

"Well," says Stevie, "I get my caddy to lean down in front of the hole and call to me with his head on the ground, and I just play the ball toward his voice."

Tiger asks, "What's your handicap?"

Stevie says, "Well, I'm a scratch golfer."

Tiger, incredulous, says to Stevie, "We've got to play a round sometime."

Stevie replies, "Well, people don't take me seriously, so I only play for money, and never play for less than $10,000 a hole."

Tiger thinks about it and says, "OK, I'm for that, when would you like to play?"

Stevie says, "Pick a night."

Golf Fact

Balls travel significantly farther on hot days. The ball velocity, launch angle and backspin amount will NOT change as temperature increases or decreases, but a golfer with a 100mph swing speed will carry the driver eight yards longer for each increase in air temperature of 25°F. - Source Tom Wishon of Wishon Golf Technology

Golf Quote

I have a tip that can take five strokes off anyone's golf game: it's called an eraser. - Arnold Palmer

Loud golf commercial

2006-08-18T06:22:00.000Z

Golf Video

Golf Joke

A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning at the third tee (par 3, 185 yards, slight dog leg to left, water hazard on the right) while a particularly slow group of golfers were flailing away ahead of them.

Engineer: What's with these guys? We've been waiting for 15 minutes!

Doctor: I don't know but I've never seen such ineptitude!

Priest: Hey, here comes the green keeper. Let's have a word with him. Hi George. Say George, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?

George: Oh yes. That's a group of blind fire fighters. They lost their sight while saving our club house last year. So we let them play here anytime free of charge!

Doctor: Wow! Thanks for the scoop George.

Priest: That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight.

Doctor: Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them.

After a short pause ...

Engineer: Why can't these guys play at night?

Golf Fact

Bob Charles was the first left-handed golfer to win a major tournament, the British Open in 1963.

Golf Quote

I'll take the 2-stroke penalty, but I'll be damned if I play it where it lies - Golfer Elaine Johnson, after her shot ricoheted off a tree into her bra.

Old Golf Balls

2006-08-17T05:53:00.000Z

Golf Video

Golf Joke

One golfer tells another: "Hey, guess what! I got a set of golf clubs for my wife!"
The other replies: "That's a great trade!"

Golf Fact

The Longest Hole in the World is the 7th hole (par 7) of the Sano Course at the Satsuki Golf Club in Japan. It measures a long 909 yards.

Golf Quote

Golf is a game invented by the same people who think music comes out of a bagpipe.
- Unknown

The Hole in One

2006-08-16T06:05:00.000Z

Golf Video

Golf Joke

Moses, Jesus, and an old, bearded man were out playing golf one day. Moses pulled up to the tee and drove a long one. It landed in the fairway but rolled directly toward a water trap. Quickly Moses raised his club, the water parted and it rolled to the other side safe and sound.

Next, Jesus strolls up to the tee and hits a nice long one directly toward the same water trap. It landed directly in the center of the pond and kind of hovered over the water. Jesus casually walked out on the pond and chipped it up onto the green.

The third guy gets up and sort of randomly whacks the ball. It heads out over the fence and into oncoming traffic on a nearby street. It bounces off a truck and hits a nearby tree. From there it bounces onto the roof of a nearby shack and rolls down into the gutter, down the downspout, out onto the fairway and right toward the aforementioned pond. On the way to the pond, it hits a little stone and bounces out over the water and onto a lily pad where it rested quietly. Suddenly, a very large bullfrog jumped up on the lily pad and snatched the ball into his mouth. Just then, an eagle swooped down and grabbed the frog and flew away. As they passed over the green, the frog squealed with fright and dropped the ball which bounced right into the hole for a beautiful hole in one.

Moses then turned to Jesus and said, "I hate playing with your Dad."

Golf Fact

Of the last 10 U.S. presidents, nine have been golfers; only Jimmy Carter was not.

Golf Quote

Golf combines two favorite American pastimes: taking long walks and hitting things with a stick. — P.J. O'Rourke

The Cart Jump

2006-08-15T06:11:00.000Z

Golf Video

Golf Joke

A man walks into confessional and says, "Forgive me Father for I have sinned..." The priest replies, "What is it that brings you here?" "Well father, I used the F-word over the weekend." "Oh is that all? Say five Hail Mary's and may the Lord be with you." The man replies, "but I really need to talk about it." "Let's have it then," the priest says as he leans back on the hard wooden bench. You see Father, "I was playing golf this weekend and on the first tee, I was lining up my drive and proceeded to hit a horrendous slice into the trees." "And that's when you cursed aloud?" the Father queried. "No, not yet. As luck would have it, I found my ball and had a clear shot to the green from a nice lie; when all of a sudden, a squirrel scampered out of some bushes, picked up my ball by its teeth and darted up a tree." "That must have been when you cursed?"

"No, because just as the squirrel had climbed to the top of the tree, a bird swooped out of the skies and grabbed the squirrel with its talons. The bird flew out the trees and back out over the green. Then, the squirrel dropped my ball from its mouth landing 5 inches from the cup!" "And that's when you cursed aloud," the priest said assuredly. "No, no.." The Father interjected, "Don't tell me you missed the f-ing putt!"

Golf Fact

A golf balls can reach speeds up to about 170 miles an hour

Golf Quote

Golf is a game in which you yell "fore," shoot six, and write down five. ~ Paul Harvey

Penn & Teller - Sand Trap

2006-08-14T07:31:00.000Z

Golf Video

Golf Joke

Two golfers were sitting at the 19th hole discussing their games this year when one says to the other,
" My game is so bad this year I had to have my ball retriever regripped !"

Golf Fact

After taking a 10 on a par 3 hole in a tournament, Arnold Palmer was asked by a newspaper reporter after the round how he could take a 10 on a par 3 hole. Arnie replied, 'because I missed a 20 foot putt for a 9'.

Golf Quote

Golf isn't a game, it's a choice that one makes with one's life. - Charles Rosin,

Cartoon Polar Bear

2006-08-13T07:01:00.001Z

Golf Video

Golf Joke

A man takes the day off of work and decides to go out golfing. He is on the second hole when he notices a frog sitting next to the green. He thinks nothing of it and is about to shoot when he hears, "Ribbit. 9 Iron"
The man looks round and doesn't see anyone so he tries again. "Ribbit. 9 Iron." He looks at the frog and decides to prove the frog wrong, puts his other club away, and grabs a 9 iron. Boom! he hits a birdie. He is shocked.

He says to the frog, "Wow that's amazing. You must be a lucky frog eh?" The frog reply's "Ribbit, Lucky frog. Lucky frog." The man decided to take the frog with him to the next hole. "What do you think frog?", the man asks. "Ribbit 3 wood." was the reply.

The guy takes out a 3 wood and Boom! Hole in one. The man is befuddled and doesn't know what to say. By the end of the day, the man golfed the best game of golf in his life and asks the frog, "Ok where to next?" The frog reply, "Ribbit Las Vegas".

They go to Las Vegas and the guy says, "Ok frog, now what?" The frog says, "Ribbit Roulette". Upon approaching the roulette table the man asks," what do you think I should bet?" The frog replies, "Ribbit $3000 black 6." Now, this is a million to one shot that this would win but after the golf game, the man figures what the heck. Boom! Tons of cash comes sliding back across the table.

The man takes his winnings and buys the best room in the hotel. He sits the frog down and says, "Frog, I don't know how to repay you. You won me all this money and I am forever grateful." The frog replies, "Ribbit, Kiss Me".

He figures why not, since after all the frog did for him he deserves it.

All of a sudden the frog turns into the most gorgeous 16 year old girl in the world.

And that, your honor, is how the girl ended up in my room".

Golf Fact

Metal woods are used everywhere today. William Mills, working for the Standard Golf Company of Sunderland, England, first developed them in 1896, more than 100 years ago.

Golf Quote

"I never pray on the golf course. Actually, the Lord answers my prayers everywhere except on the course." – Rev. Billy Graham

Robin Williams - Golf history

2006-08-12T09:22:00.000Z

Golf Video

Golf Joke

Fred got home from his Sunday round of golf later than normal and very tired. "Bad day at the course?" his wife asked.

"Everything was going fine," he said. "Then Harry had a heart attack and died on the 10th tee."

"Oh, that's awful!"

"You're not kidding. For the whole back nine it was hit the ball, drag Harry, hit the ball, drag Harry."

Golf Fact

Curtis Strange became the first golfer to surpass $1 million in yearly earnings in 1988, when he won four titles. Strange was named Player of the Year in 1985, 1987 and 1988.

Golf Quote

Drugs are very much a part of professional sports today, but when you think about it, golf is the only sport where the players aren't penalized for being on grass. ~ Bob Hope

Jackass - The horn

2006-08-11T13:27:00.000Z

Golf Video

Golf Joke

A very bad golfer is playing at new course and he is having a very bad day.
He is on the 18th hole, and he see's a lake.
He says to his caddy "I think I'm going to go drown myself in that lake".
The caddy says" I don't think you can, you can't keep your head down that long

Golf Fact

Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at.
- Jimmy Demaret

Golf Quote

Scotland, famous for golf, actually banned golf in 1457 because it was a threat to archery practice and, therefor, to national defense.

Egg golf

2006-08-10T06:36:00.000Z

Golf Video

Golf Joke

A golfer has one advantage over a fisherman.
He doesn't have to produce anything to prove his story.

Golf Fact

Among the debris the astronauts have left on the moon are a number of golf balls.

Golf Quote

The income tax has made liars out of more Americans than golf. - Will Rogers

Fathers day Rules

2006-08-09T00:01:00.000Z

Golf Video

Golf Joke

Joe, a notoriously bad golfer, hits his ball off the first tee and watches as it slices to the right and disappears through an open window. Figuring that's the end of it, he gets another ball out of his bag and plays on. On the eighth hole, a police officer walks up to Joe on the course and says, "Did you hit a golf ball through a window back there?"
Joe says, "Yes I did."

"Well," says the police officer, "it knocked a lamp over, scaring the dog, which raced out of the house onto the highway. A driver rammed into a brick wall to avoid the dog, sending 3 people to hospital. And it's all because you sliced the ball."

"Oh my goodness," says Joe, "is there anything I can do?"

"Yes there is," the cop says... "Try keeping your head down and close up your stance a bit."

Golf Fact

The World's Longest Golf Course is the International Golf Club in Massachusetts, a long par 77, 8325-yards, from the tiger tees.

Golf Quote

"If you are caught on a golf course during a storm and are afraid of lightning, hold up a 1-iron. Not even God can hit a 1-iron."
- Lee Trevino

Exploding golf ball

2006-08-08T07:26:00.000Z

Golf Video

Golf Joke

A man playing on a new golf course got confused as to what hole he was on. He saw a lady playing ahead of him. He walked up to her and asked if she knew what hole he was playing. She replied, "I'm on the 7th hole, and you're a hole behind me, so you must be on the 6th hole." He thanked her and went back to his golf.

On the back nine, the same thing happened, and he approached the lady again with the same request. She said, "I'm on the 14th, you are a hole behind me, so you must be on the 13th." Once again he thanked her.

He finished his round and went into the club house and saw the lady sitting at the end of the bar. He went up to her and said, "Let me buy you a drink to show my appreciation for your help." He started a conversation and asked her what kind of work she did. She said she was in sales, and he said he was in sales also. He asked what she sold.

She replied, "If I told you, you would only laugh."

"No, I wouldn't," he said.

She said, "I sell tampons."

With that he fell on the floor laughing so hard.

She said, "See, I knew you would laugh."

"That's not what I'm laughing at," he replied. "I'm a toilet paper salesman, so I'm STILL one hole behind you!"

Golf Fact

When the golfer feels the ball make impact with the driver face, the ball has already been hit and is actually 14 inches away on its trip down the fairway. No matter how fast you may think the body’s neurons and brain can process information, the impact between the driver and the ball is much faster! What this means also is that if you have a golfer who likes to feel the ball on the face to ‘work the ball,’ that golfer better move quick! - Source Tom Wishon of Wishon Golf Technology

Golf Quote

Golf is so popular simply because it is the best game in the world at which to be bad. - A.A. Milne